Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the lack of posts but I have been to Dresden over the weekend for a seminar and important business stuff. I don't have much pictures but like to write down a bit this time as I have learned a very important thing about a specific topic and myself. But first of all a bit about these days:
I met so much lovely people there and had a really great time despite that I haven't seen much of Dresden. I was in a near village where I had to go by tram and bus.
On Saturday evening we had a little sightseeing walk through the city to check out a few famous places. It was dark and gloomy, yet so beautiful to see these huge buildings by night. All these squiggling details on the walls full of history and beauty, just so breathtaking. After that we hung out in Neustadt in a bar called "Das Wohnzimmer" for some cocktails and talks. I can't believe how quick the time passed by. I was so excited and afraid at the beginning but I feel how strong it has made me and how much I missed having people around me.
If you follow me for a while already you probably know about my social anxiety and tendencies to a panic disorder. I never got diagnosed but it's quite obvious. I have always been a very shy person, an observer. Over the time it got worse, especially concerning my loneliness so the shyness turned into anxiety and panic. Either that silent girl who is afraid to speak or the hyperactive lady, being crazy and burbles nonstop like a waterfall. I was always angry at myself for being quiet and calm but have realized that I am just like this and I can't change anything about it, maybe I don't even want to. As kid I was very open to people, still in grade school but that has changed when I came into the middle school. I got judged there when I tried to speak, my voice too silent so I either got ignored or bullied. But it's part of my personality and I wouldn't be myself without these features.
There are those few people where I can just be the person which I am deep inside, my true self, go crazy and funny and feel pure happiness, I'm back in my childhood. Then there's the other me, careful and quiet, the observer, and there's nothing wrong with that, completely the opposite as this gives me an important balance and I start to see the positive aspects in both situations.
If you look into groups of people or in your school class there's always a specific allocation between each person and their personalities. I'm talking about observers and participants. Some who always want to be in the middle, others prefer to stay away and just chill and think. The important thing is that you are a part of the whole group and no matter where you are, that place simply belongs to you. It's your special position, the one is made for you. What I want to tell you with all that is that in case you struggle with similar things, try to accept the way you are and the place where you belong to. Back in time I couldn't decide between being the participant, the person in the middle of the squad or to have a position as observer. I still can't but I enjoy the situations which change from day to day. I think much, don't talk often but when I do I can't stop anymore. I love writing instead, just writing down what's in my head. Collecting it for the future, for myself and for other people. I can be the one and real me when I'm with my best friends and I have accepted my quiet other side who is just careful and loves to gain knowledge just through looking and listening.
And if you ever get judged for being quiet and silent, let them talk. Remember everything has its benefits and also observers are full of wisdom and knowledge. You also change over the time, you can become more confident, sometimes weak but it doesn't mean you are a weak person and that it lasts forever. Situations or happenings influence us, no matter if positive or negative, we will always learn something from it.